24. Family Coming Together and Saying Goodbye

 

Milt and Debbie’s New house was developing nicely when Barbara was beginning to have troubles with bouts of diarrhea, nothing too serious, and it could be controlled with

Metamucil. On consultations with the Doctor the Metamucil was recommended. I am sure that it was thought of as a case of a little bad food and it would soon correct itself.  The condition persisted through 2017. Some time in 2018 Barbara got a thorn in her finger and it appeared to be becoming infected. She consulted a Doc-in-the-Box Physician at an Urgent Care, who gave her an antibiotic injection that seemed to escalate the diarrhea to a point that it was a little more of a concern.  I had found a Caribbean Cruise that was featuring Featherweight Singer Sewing Machines and encouraged Vicki and Barbara to sign up as each had Featherweight Singers. They took the cruise even though Barbara was somewhat  concerned about the diarrhea but made it through without trouble. In 2019 Barbara went with our daughter Diane to a Buddhist Retreat in California and again managed it alright. Things were not alright, however, and Barbara had an Endoscopy done in late August which didn’t reveal anything new.     

About Thanksgiving time 2019 Barbara was having pains that were severe enough that we went to an Urgent Care Facility and they immediately set her to Emergency Care, where she was admitted to the Hospital for tests and observation.  Nothing definitive was found and Barbara was sent home. The family swung into action, Milt and Debbie taking the lead (Milton designated Durable Power of Attorney for Health Care), and Diane arrived to help out. All the girls then scheduled periods of about two weeks each when they could be in Melba to help out. 

Late December 2019 Barbara fell as she was going to the bathroom during the night. I was in the next room and heard the fall and got her back in bed. Vicki came in from the Takun (where she had been sleeping at night)  later, and it was obvious that we needed an ambulance fearing that there was a broken bone. The paramedics thought it probably was a broken hip which was right.  That was the last time until she passed away, that Barbara was left alone without a family member being in the room with her.  

That was the scheduling that occurred over the next three months regardless of where Barbara was: Hospital, Nursing Home, or home in Melba. The girls took turns traveling to be here to help with the 24-7 shifts. Spending time with Barbara and helping out with meals, holding vigil at the various health and care facilities,  or other pitching in with other tasks that had to be done. This arrangement served us well. 

The medications became numerous and complex, having to be administered at a specific time and in sequence. We found that the Nursing Homes, and there were two of them, had to be monitored for right meds and checked for timing. Creon to supplement the secretion from the Pancreas, had to be taken within a half hour before eating to be effective.  Debbie went to a lot of effort to make a full spreadsheet of all meds with quantities and times, complete with a place to check when administered. 

Barbara went through an emergency colonoscopy while she was at the hospital in Boise and although it was a botched process, it revealed that her pancreas had atrophied or shrunk. Some medical opinions tended to indicate wrong medicine had been given when she had part of thyroid gland removed years earlier might have been a contributing factor, but we really don’t know all of the facts.  She also had a heart murmur, which she said she had lived with all of her life. A doctor finally diagnosed the AFib (Atrial Fibrillation) and prescribed medication for that before her bouts with the chronic diarrhea.

Each family member contributed a lot to the endeavor at hand.  Amy and I put in a lot of effort to build a wheelchair ramp that turned out to be a waste of time because moving the wheelchair over the carpet was very hard and took a lot of muscles. Barbara would have to spend her convalescence in the Takun.  Milton made a ramp in the TAKUN (work shop) so the wheelchair could negotiate the two level floor. That enabled Barbara to work on Nichole’s quilt. Nichole received the quilt from Barbara when she was around 9 or 10 years old, and she had used it well. The old quilt was so love-worn that Barbara agreed to patch it back together for Nichole. This patching job became a family affair. I think Milt, Vicki, and Diane helped with that project.  

We are lucky that we had family to help out. Barbara and I had talked many times how our children had become such wonderful people. Barbara was able to talk with each of the children those last few months. They encouraged her to tell some of her stories of remembrance. I know it wasn’t easy for her to have to rely on the children's help, but I know she appreciated it. 

Barbara’s life meant so much to me. There were many times that we reacted as if we were one person, both in thought and action. We lived a great life together and helped each other achieve whatever we were involved with, rather it be crafts or mental challenges. The thoughts and deeds were to always be complementary and encouraging. It hurt terribly that after sixty eight years I was not able to help her heal and get on with her wonderfully productive life.  

As I sat holding her hands in the last few minutes, she told me that she thought she would get better once she got home, always optimistic. Barbara did have some good moments those last few months, like the evenings playing scrabble and the one evening singing campfire songs accompanied by Kiva’s wonderful guitar. We all had a great time that evening.  One evening after listening to some stories Diane was reading to her,  Barbara commented that she had a river to cross. Diane asked if she had anyone to meet her when she got to the other side. Barbara’s answer was “I don’t know”. Diane asked her to find Megan. She said that she would.  I felt terrible that I could not Mind Meld and be by her side to help like we had always done.  There are times now when I momentarily feel Barbara’s presence, looking out at the mountains,  or listening to a piece of music,  or admiring some flowers or trees around the place. It's a wonderful  feeling and I do not care to analyze it, just let it happen.

Thank you for reading;  Frank A Cochrane